'You need a Hobby!"

Because that's exactly what someone wants to hear from their boyfriend ... right?

Not exactly...

Since I was 18 years old I have always had two jobs, school and a job .. or  school and two jobs! never have I really had time for myself.. honestly the idea of getting home from work.. going and relaxing with my dogs while watching a movie.. having the opportunity to get a surprising yet pleasant call from a friend to go out to dinner.. and actually being able to say yes! not having to rush off from one place to another...  It's a heavenly idea.. but nothing I had ever experienced.

Yet when I'm actually presented with the opportunity to have a life, have hobbies.. have friends!! It's almost paralyzing...  I basically don't know how to actually make myself move...  its like my brain is stuck in this constant cycle of do this, go there, don't forget that; that I have literally forgotten how to live! how to enjoy LIFE.  

I have spent the last almost 10 years of my life like this...  and I didn't realize it until my boyfriend not so kindly pointed it out. 

We were fighting the other night, it's quite silly really thinking back, basically he doesn't like seeing me come home upset everyday. (iv'e become overloaded with stress and felt like it was going to explode!) He said that I literally go to work come home and go to sleep. Now hearing that makes my heart ache.. That's not a life. That's when he told me that I needed to get a hobby. That hurt worse than the first comment.

At that time I was mad... really mad. I thought "Wow, this guy has some nerve! He has no idea how hard iv'e worked....." so on and so forth.. words probably not appropriate for this blog.

I saw a sincere look in his face and I knew immediately that he only meant to tell me the truth and that he didn't mean it maliciously. That he had some serious concern for me. Which in turn made me realize how serious this was.

So we continued to talk  and I decided that I needed to do this. Not for him but for me. My health, my sanity. MY LIFE. I needed is back!

Iv'e decided to take my chihuahua's for more walks after work. Continue my charcoal drawings and to teach myself ASL -American Sign Language.

These are only a few things I plan on doing. Now once again to be clear.. I need this.. everyone needs this. To have some sort of outlet, some kind of expression and some means to release stress..  I'm on day two and so far iv'e written here, which believe it ot not is a HUGE stress reliever!

Life is crazy. But from this last fight turned to disagreement to life changing conversation has brought me to see the light.  Just because I have responsibilities doesn't mean I give up on my self growth as a human being. 

That goes for EVERYONE! 

Don't forget to make time for YOU.

Much Love!

Rebecca

Hello

This is my first blog in a very long time. Back in the day I used to blog just to keep in touch with my friends over seas in the military and my friends back home. I created another blog for jokes... from dirty to classic to just plain silly! I want nothing more than to make people laugh.

BUT this blog is going to be different. I am different. My LIFE is different.

I don't want to be that person that starts off by saying, "Oh the troubles iv'e seen", "The things iv'e been through" dramatically throwing my hands over my eyes.. blah blah blah...  But instead be real... honest... and blunt... be me.

The internet is such a strange place, its like a whole other world, yet more brutal. People have a place to hide and say whatever they feel like saying without any thought about what those words mean or are going to mean to whoever reads them.

So to be real, honest and brutal is scary; yet I feel like I have a story that needs to be told. Now i'm not saying people have to listen or even read this.. but I do hope that for the people that do, that they understand that I am only human and so are you. That one of the main reasons I feel compelled to do this is because I know i'm not alone; I cant be.

Throughout the journey ahead of me I plan on sharing my troubles, my strengths, my doubts and my achievements; big or small. Share my battles and struggles with the world because honestly I plan on only going up from here.

With that being said, should know that anytime someone say's a statement like that you're practically begging for Satan himself  to come right in and pull you back down into the ditch you've been trying so hard to get out of; hence why I know I have a tough journey ahead.

So here I go world..

My Name is Rebecca.

I'm 26 years old.

I am a Christian, more so I have a relationship with Christ.

I suppose we could start right there.

I grew up in a faithful home. Went to church every Sunday, even taught to the younger kids about Jesus.  But I want to make something clear, just because you grow up in a home that is centered around the Lord doesn't mean you have a relationship with Christ.

To be honest, I didn't even know the difference until a couple of years ago.

My family and I suffered great loses within our family of  Seven. My older sister died in a car accident when I was 14 years old and my father passed away from an illness 4 years later, right after my high school graduation.

To say the least my world was shattered and my "relationship" with Christ was gone. I was a teenager when all of this started.. A very sensitive young girl looking for answers, love, and hope..

I was broken.

Looking back, God never left my side. He was and still is ALWAYS walking beside me with his arms open. ALWAYS wanting to accept me.

Now I'm sure some of you are already thinking, she got knocked up... or she got into drugs... or even oh shes a little miss bible thumper.. LOL you are all sadly mistaken.. and if you had a different idea all together, please share! haha

I was troubled like any young kid with that sort of trauma in her adolescent years.. but luckily I did not get pregnant! never went passed smoking weed and cigarettes, and drinking with friends. and it hurts to say but instead of running to the Lord, I ran away.

Not only from God but from my home town. Got a job in another state at 19 years old and I ran. Been gone for the last 7 years now. It took me at least 4 years to openly admit to myself that I ran! instead of saying "Oh, it was for work." no.. I looked for a job as far away as I could; being home hurt too bad.

When I boarded that plane a little over 7 years ago my mom gave me one of her favorite rosaries. I never left anywhere without it.

Now, I have grieved the loss of two very close family members, it took A Lot of time, I'm still working through it, but I can smile everyday knowing they are in no pain and with God. :)

Now here's a warning....

I tend to go on tangents ... I never know where they will lead... or what I will say until I do.. I guess that makes things interesting now doesn't it. lol a side effect of having ADD lol

My life has been a roller coaster to say the least. I want to say Thank you for reading, listening and supporting me. Most of my friends have families of their own now, sports, dance.. all that fun mommy and daddy stuff. I feel like this is a great way to get stuff off my chest and NOT have to burden people when they have their own worries.

My goal to to hopefully work through my own issues and show others that no one is perfect, no one ever will be and at some point we all need help. In one way or another.

Thanks Again :)

Until next time